7 Steps to Eliminating Your Fear
Last year (2021), I faced a multitude of challenges, both personally and professionally, that caused me to face some of my biggest fears.
● Death
● Separation
● Release of old identities
The list goes on…
In many cases, the reality of the situation wasn’t as intense or elevated as the fear itself would’ve led me to believe. And as I was forced to sit with it, I learned ways to move through fear that I didn’t even know I was capable of.
Because I know so many who struggle with fear, worry, anxiety, and uneasiness of the unknown, I wanted to share some of my lessons and takeaways in eliminating and overcoming your fear.
What Are We Really Talking About Here? Let’s Define Fear
Let’s start with defining fear and how it can hold us back! It’s important to remember that fear exists for a reason and it’s not the fear itself that’s the problem, it’s the power we give it over us or to inform our beliefs and actions.
Fear is simply, “An emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous and likely to cause pain, or a threat.”
You can see how this emotion helps to protect us and keep us safe. AND you can probably see in your own life how fear can be overblown, cause suffering, cause unneeded worry and anxiety, create false narratives, and weave its way deeply into our subconscious.
Fear likes to seep in and hang on tight!
When we have the courage to face it, sit with it, get curious about it and explore it, we can move through it and thrive.
We can move through the fear that’s creating limitations, procrastination, lack of movement, stagnancy, and stagnated growth.
When we do that, our fears can help us grow.
It begins by noticing and asking ourselves what kind of reality we’re denying ourselves of living. In what way are our fears holding us back from living our fullest potential? If you’re finding yourself teetering between growth and showing up authentically and clinging to old habits, beliefs, and patterns, it’s time to get real with yourself and see where you’re allowing fear to sabotage your progress and momentum.
There are three fairly common types of fears that entrepreneurs and business leaders face:
Fear of Rejection: It can be discomforting and challenging to show up and not be accepted. Rejection can make you feel a sense of unworthiness, lack of self-esteem, and even sink you into depression.
Fear of Failure: This fear is often wrapped up in our beliefs about ourselves and what it means for us to succeed. What we believe others will think or see about us if we fail. How will we handle criticism? Judgment? Ridicule? And how do we counter the incessant inner negative self-talk when we fail?
Fear of Success: What, Jodie!? No one’s AFRAID of being successful! You’d be surprised, my friend. I hear this one come up a lot. When something takes off, it can be a matter of shedding an old identity, needing to show up and create at a new level, and perhaps even some fear around being judged, not feeling worthy of success itself, or being worried that you can’t sustain the success you create. Fulfilling your potential means stepping into uncharted territory and that can be… in a word, terrifying.
Fear can keep us complacent, small, and cause us to procrastinate on moving forward. It has the power to kill our ambitions, goals, and dreams if we allow it.
Let’s give ourselves permission to stop it from claiming this power and put it back in its place, shall we?
7 Steps to Face and Eliminate Your Fears
Facing your behaviors, patterns, and beliefs begins with the courageous act of being vulnerable and honest with yourself. Realize that you’re not at the level you want to be and roll up your sleeves to start debunking the fears you’ve created.
So much of what we fear isn't even valid and what we imagine as an outcome, is unlikely to even happen.
Step One: Realize everyone has fears. You’re not alone. Realize we all have fears no matter what someone’s pictures on Instagram indicate or how it appears from the outside.
Step Two: Write down your fears. I like to take it a step further and label my fears as “fear of rejection”, “ fear of failure”, “ fear of success” so that I know what I’m dealing with. Labeling them and writing them down can also help us to see what we need to either face them, or get support to move through them.
Step Three: Write down your worst case scenarios. I know it might be uncomfortable, but I really encourage you not to skip this step. First, it might shine a light on just how improbably your worst case scenarios are. And secondly, it can help you to move it from your brain to the page by writing it down. There’s a whole array of outcomes in every given situation and various ways it could play out, apart from just the worst case scenario - yet so often, that’s where our brains go first.
Step Four: Identify your fears in the moment and focus on gratitude. Fear when losing a client? Focus on the gratitude that you still have three more to serve and show up for. Fear of stepping foot in front of a live audience? Focus on the gratitude that all these people are here to support you and hear your message. I try, as often as possible, to bring it back to gratitude and find that live-time as I navigate through the world and overcome my fears.
Step Five: Look forward. I rely on this step a lot. I sit and meditate, calling in my future self to ask for her wisdom. What does Jodie one week, month, year, decade down the road think I should do? Your inner self has so much wisdom to offer and can often help you identify what you need to do and what result you ultimately want to experience. What does future you say or think about the decision you’re making and the step you’re afraid to take?
Step Six: Create an affirmation. It’s so powerful when we rewrite our story, reconnect to who we really are. I love affirmations that are written as though they’re already reality.
Step Seven: Take action. Action kills fear! Once you do it, it’s over and then it goes from fear to being data and feedback! Taking action also eliminates procrastination. Even verbalizing your fears can make them start to dissipate. Saying it aloud and excavating it from our thoughts helps fear transform.
When facing your fears, and overcoming them, it might feel hard at times, it might feel overwhelming. Maybe it feels as though avoiding them and not facing them is an easier choice.
Remember that “easy” is also hard. Because keeping yourself stuck, shutting down pieces of yourself, and playing small is also hard.
Only you can answer for yourself which hard path you want to take, face your fears or face staying where you are now?