If this Sounds Like You, Stop
On December 1st, I had a slightly tense interaction with my daughter Lauren. She is 17. You know…the one that I shared the college tour experience with.
Let me set the scene.
I was walking into the house with 2 arms full of groceries, and Matt and Madelyn were physically man-handling the 8+ foot Christmas tree into the front window. I was in a pretty solid mood, excited to finally get the tree up (we’re ahead of the game this year in hitting 12/1), when this occurs.
Hellos are exchanged.
“How was the day,” I asked.
This was Lauren’s reply – “Well, I had therapy today and told her how mad I am at you that this place (our home) looks like spring, not the holidays because you have not put a single decoration up.”
Not gonna lie, this was a harsh slap. I put the groceries on the counter, walked down the hallway, and returned abruptly to let Lauren know this:
- This year we are actually ahead of schedule. It is only December 1st.
- The tree has been here since last weekend, and everyone has been waiting for Dad.
- I had a plan to decorate this weekend.
“And let me remind you – you are 17, you get out of school at 12:30 every day and if you want something like this done - please take the initiative to show up and help out. Or at least instead of getting mad – use your voice and ask what the plan is or better yet if you can take over.”
I will also say, it was a very energetic conversation, a raised voice, and then a very quiet evening thereafter.
Why do I tell you this? This triggered my memory of my old way of being, and a reflection of the choices I made to change my life and my business.
There was a time (for way too many years) when this time of year, my schedule and the demand on my life looked very much like this on December 1, xxxx…
WORK: Wrap up year end budget/success reports for clients, onboard new clients for the next year, year end accounting, deadlines, client gifts, client lunches, employee gifts, employee reviews, employee parties and appreciation, colleague/client Christmas Cards, Volunteer at the Children’s Auction for 5 straight days (missing my kids a lot), Volunteer at TNS Santa fund stocking food boxes for delivery, Committees for year end Annual Appeals, and that was just the extra stuff above my daily job.
HOME: Decorate, Christmas Cards, Shopping, Holiday Events, Cookie Making, Kids School and Activity rehearsals and performances, sending invitations, hosting gatherings, meal planning and cooking, wrapping, kids holiday gatherings- attending holiday get togethers with friends and family – and that was on top of the normal – laundry, lunches, homework, dinner, baths and also trying to get some gym time, PLUS squeezing in being a wife, daughter, sister, and mother.
I was doing it all.
I was really too much.
But I really believed that if I didn’t do it this way, I was not DOING IT.
Looking back, I don’t even know what IT really was. What was I even working to achieve?
Because even if I got the SHE CAN DO IT ALL TITLE – and impress others – I PAID THE PRICE of exhaustion, disappointment, loss of self, isolation, and feeling very lonely in both work and home life.
I appreciate that this interaction last week brought this back to my attention, because I am now taking the time to tell you – that YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL, ESPECIALLY ALONE.
This can become a dis-ease in how we run our businesses, our lives and our families. I know it consumed me for years!
So, if this sounds like you, STOP. Just simply stop and let me suggest this:
First ask yourself, then your family and then your team –
What do you want to experience or desire this Month of December that would really make you feel the Holiday Spirit?
Then simply choose to only do that. For you, for your family, with your team – and let the rest go.
Also, from a business standpoint –
What is a definite December deadline and what can wait till after January 1st?
Simply because you do have more this month than other months – don’t set yourself up for burn out. Choose instead to be present and embrace what this holiday and year end should offer – simply more love, cheer, joy and reflection and much less DO.